INVITATION TO MEMBERS

[Steven Barnes]

Please! Post questions concerning writing, physical energy, personal relationships, mental clarity. Body, mind and spirit are the core of Lifewriting. The Five Minute Miracle is a dynamic tool along that path--but this board is designed to address questions of personal development and encourage the growth of an on-line community. I know you're lurking out there: let's get to work!

Steve

[marylahree]

Steve,
Do you know whether 5MM has ever been tried on anyone who is seriously ill? I have an autoimmune disease, considered rare, in which my own immune system attacks my skin in an inflammatory response, (something like the redness and swelling of a bee sting, larger in scale). It is primarily the skin on my lower legs under attack. The brownish-red patches are degenerated, weakened skin and subject to ulcerating - which frequently happens. The ulcers, which are slow to heal, are subject to infection. This is especially problematic because my immune system does not fight off the invading bacteria as it would if I were healthy. Thus, I have had a few near-death experiences and that understandably has left me stressed. In fact, after more than ten years of having this disease, one psychologist suggested that I might be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome.

I'm a fighter! I have researched this disease, called necrobiosis lipoidica, ( I am not diabetic), with the intent to stay in the ring as long as possible. I will not go down without a fight. I've offered myself up to medical research for the same reason; even sought after becoming an experimental patient and succeeded. But what of relaxation and stress relief?

I have been told that the "active" stages of NL can be triggered by stress - and yet the disease is stressful. (Not that I haven't also had my share of other stresses that occur with day to day life.) So I'm really starting to wonder whether your 5MM techniques could be beneficial to me; what little I know about them.

The dietary aspect: I'm not sure if I should mess with the progress made when I became an experimental patient at a Georgia clinic. I did see some reversal of this supposedly "incurable" disease. I wonder if 5MM discusses nutritional aspects of diet and fasting?

Mary

[Steven Barnes]

5MM is specifically designed to re-train certain breathing patterns. It is great for stress relief--so if stress triggers your problem, or exacerbates it, it might well be good for you.

[marylahree]

Oh, breathing. Well, I can do that - and hope to for a long, long time to come. I gather from some of what I've read, that a sort of meditation is also involved. My outlook is a bit more spiritual, or supernatural. I pray, talk to my creator, essentially. However, I also recognize meditation as a spiritual journey. My young niece had brain cancer, some of which could not be surgically removed. Her doc instructed her to imagine her favorite character (pac man) was in her head, eating away at the cancer till it was gone. Seems she was fourteen then. She's in her mid-twenties now and doing well.

[Steven Barnes]

One can make any discipline a spiritual discipline, by adding gratitude, commitment, connection, or focusing on mortality. I stay away from talking about that explicitly because the terms mean so many different things to different people.

[rjburchett]

Hi Steve,

What can I do to increase yang energy? I’m naturally a very laid back person and my wife is an extreme go-getter. I love that she has such energy, but sometimes feel that I’m at the edge of my ability to be her masculine equal.

I’ve recently gotten serious about weight lifting and eating red meat. What’s next?

Thanks,
Robin Burchett

[Steven Barnes]

Eating red meat? Really? Interesting. Syrum testosterone levels can be increased through heavy weight training: low reps (1-5) and high weight. Sprinting instead of jogging, sports like wrestling, etc. But get-up-and-go is more psychological. Clarity of goals and values can increase motivation, as can setting out a new and exciting life path. Could you be a little more specific about the energetic mis-match?

[rjburchett]

Hi Steve, the crux of the problem is this:
I am very good at maintaining focus and clarity when by myself. When I’m with the wife, who is highly energetic and strong willed, I am naturally inclined to be accommodating and agreeable. Yuck! I have the perfect wife, of course, because I learned long ago to stand up for myself and behave responsibly. After twelve years of marriage, I am fully capable of holding my own, but it’s still a conscious competence. And when I’m tired or out of sorts, or am not focused and clear, I find myself letting her call the shots and resenting her for it. And even when I’m on top of my game, it sometimes feels as though I have to have my guard up, and use considerable energy to not get sucked in to her wants/needs/expectations. It’s not much fun for her to be with someone who is exhausted just from dealing with her.

As background, for many years, I’ve worked in a cubical programming computers while the wife built a physical therapy practice with fourteen staff and six hundred patients a month. I’ve spent hundreds of hours building that business, too, but mostly in the background. She’s the boss, and a d**ned good one. I am so proud of how she’s taken on the mantel of authority with such integrity and compassion. She is a force to be reckoned with, and I couldn’t be more pleased to call her mine.

Now the practice is doing well enough that I quit my programming job to work more on the business. All well and good, but it leaves me working for my wife, and doing the lions share of cooking/cleaning/childcare. We are well aware that this is a risky dynamic. The plan is for me to create the next clinic, and enjoy the same opportunities for personal growth that she has – hiring & firing, dealing with angry patients, managing incompetent vendors, etc. But that’s going to take time.

So I’m looking for ways to increase my natural aggressiveness, force of will, and develop more of the alpha energy that my wife has in spades. My wife deserves to be with someone who finds being with her easy and fun – and that’s the man I’m inspired to be. It’s kind of funny – she knows I’m the man of the house, and relates to me as such; I have to remind myself of it. Kinda funny, kinda not.

Side note: Ten years ago, I took testosterone shots for six months as part of a male birth control study. I remember thinking, “So this is what it feels like to be a manly man!” Had to quit early because of anger management problems!

[marylahree]

Robin, for my clarification, what did you mean when you wrote that you got serious about "eating red meat"? Are you saying that you do eat it or, that you no longer eat it? If you are a serious red meat eater, I would like to share some information with you.

I have a rare disease that is reportedly incurable, and is understudied. I was in a life threatening situation when, in early 2006, I became an experimental patient. One of my doctors was a pharmaceutical scientist who is very knowledgeable about the immune system - our body's defense system. And under his care, as well as the care of the other involved doctors, I saw reversal, or some recovery from this supposedly incurable disease.

What amazed me most, was that treatment was not centered around experimental drugs. Rather, there was a focus on helping my immune system to recover as much as it would, and diet changes and tailored supplements were primarily (if not exclusively) what were used for that purpose. I learned to re-define healthy diet.

Red meat was no part of the diet. In fact, the only meat I was to eat was fish, (because my healing wounds needed that "pure-er" protein). Because my health is so much more fragile than most, my dietary needs may have differed somewhat, but from what I learned, red meat is one of the worst things a person can eat. It is possible to eat too much of anything, be it, sugars, fats, and even proteins. It is also possible to take in the wrong types of sugars, fats, and proteins, or so I've learned.

Now, regarding your last post, I realize it was meant for Steven, but if I may . . . From this woman's perspective, I think you sell the person you already are too short. So there is some role reversal in your relationship with your wife that is not in keeping with "traditional roles". It seems to be working well financially for the two of you, and I doubt that your wife could have accomplished all that she has without your support, which is more of a strength than you may realize. I have this husky, truck driver husband who delivers freight across the states - then comes home and does house work for me, knowing I'm not always able. He's changed his share of diapers, done his share of dishes, laundry, ect., and I am thankful every day that he doesn't fit any particular notion of "traditional manliness". I'd wager that your wife probably feels the same about you. Still, I think I understand what you were getting at. More recently, at fifty-years-old, my husband has decided that he is no longer content with truck driving. He's going to college to train for something different, maybe computer programing, he says. And I'll be right here, in the background, to cheer him on.

Mary

[rjburchett]

Hi Mary, thanks for the input. I’m dieting now specifically to gain substantial weight, mostly muscle. Since we have ¼ of an organic beef in the freezer, that we’ve made little headway on in three years, I’ve decided to see how my body reacts to eating a lot of it. It is rumored to increase aggression, which I am also cultivating. I’ll probably still fall well below the U. S. Cattlemen’s Association recommended daily intake, since I really prefer tofu, but we’ll see what happens.

As to my wife and I, we have been through many different situations, with one or the other of us doing the lions share of breadwinning and/or housework. We’ve found that no matter how modern and progressive we think we are, there seem to be some hard-wired behaviors and expectations that we violate at our peril. My wife’s 2nd grade report card read, “Shauna is the super organizer of everyone and everything.” That pretty well sums it up, bless her heart. So I have a tiger by the tail, and I just need to raise my energy level in certain ways so I can handle said tiger with ease and grace.

--Robin

[Steven Barnes]

Robin--

I get what you're saying. Working for your wife can be a risky dynamic. But I doubt that the nutritional modifications will have the kind of effect you're looking for unless you are currently low testosterone. How is your muscle density? If there is no physical problem, the difficulty is probably in the emotional realm. You might want to look at your own definitions of aggression and violence, see if you associate them inappropriately with "masculinity." You said you were having anger management problems, and shortly before that commenting to yourself about being a "manly man." I find that a LOT of very nice guys have a negative impression of high-testosterone behavior. I'd be interested in where you sit on that spectrum.

[Steven Barnes]

But in general, if you feel that you are connected to the male animal side of your personality, your marriage will probably be fine. Look into the things that increase serum testosterone--power lifting, sprinting, wrestling/judo, etc. If you've tended toward "yin" activities, you may want to look into some of these. But don't be too hard on yourself. I gave myself nuts for years because I'm not as macho as my own role models. We are what we are, to a degree.

[rjburchett]

Hi Steve, my muscle density is fine, given what i've demanded of it - mostly running, cycling, & typing. And my upper body is responding well to the new weightlifting. I have high energy and healthy libido, so I must have enough testosterone, but there was something very distinctive and interesting about having an extra boost of it while I was in that male pill study. I will try out some of the activities you mentioned & see what happens.

On the whole though, it's probably just my personality -- I tend to be very nice guy, and have never liked a lot of typical high-testosterone behavior. Conflict, especially. I do pretty will with it now, except when I try to avoid it. I learned that trick from my dad.

I've been looking at my stories about masculinity, and it does seem tied to aggression and often violence. I'm not looking to make my life more violent, but I can see the value in increased aggression. For now, I'm going to try just faking it for awhile, and see if it becomes more natural. It also occurs to me as I type this that simple clarity of purpose may have a lot to do with it. My eldest has mild attention deficit disorder, and the more I read about it, the more I see it in myself. So I'm going to start taking the supplements recommended for that condition, and I've started meditating again, and using the old daytimer, etc. I'll let you know how it goes.
--Robin

[Steven Barnes]

Robin:
are you engaged in activites where there are clearly defined winners and losers? Sprinting, chess, boxing...heck, there are tons of 'em. That tends to be more "yang" than behaviors that are subjective and all warm and fuzzy.

[drea]

making my way, haltingly. have one lifewriting buddy. she has already purchased the program and was on her own with it. great surprise when i told her what i was doing and she could relate. our first week has passed and i totally failed to complete the agreed work. went to the gym several times, saw I Am Legend, read a lot of books from the area i'm interested in writing. pulled out old, partially written in journals from the last 30 years and found that i'm a bit further along but the biggies: not feeling worthy, depression, weight are still the same. gained about 7kg while i was in the states and over the holidays. haven't gotten back into the fast 5 IF way, and wondering, despite the 6kg that left while practicing that way, if it is The Way. while doing the 'hanging in and finishing' (don't remember off the top of my head what you called it) assignment i realized that i most often quit. exception was when it had to do with the needs of someone else. or, when i started, my determination was come hell or high water it would get done, and quitting never entered my mind. your race or gender thoughts have been great. trying to explain to a friend of almost 40 years (first woman VP at a major studio) why i think, from personal experience, it's race. i had to remind of her my experience when she was helping to start Women In Film, and i walked away after a nose to nose confrontation with marcy carcy (produced Cosby show) who insisted i agree that gender was more important. i do however remember a few totally unqualiffied black men who got jobs i coveted while i was being told i couldn't have the assoc. producer job on the tv series i was working on, because the men on the dubbing stage would have to watch their language. the only place where i got any advantage from having black skin was here in australia, where their disdain is toward the Aboriginals (i hope you don't still say abo as in your lecture) actually african americans receive unearned approbation. i read the posts and think about them. for example sex. now that would have been fun to respond to at the time, but i felt too vulnerable. i was part of the free love 60's and had a hell of a lot of partners. i didn't recognize it at the time for the unequal game it was. i was caught up in marching, demonstrating, and drugging. it was fun, but ultimately soul damaging. i haven't completely abandoned writing. in two days i'll get up on stage and deliver new material that is untested and see what happens. okay, enough, i'd better get back to writing. i've got a desk diary going up on my wall next to one of the computers in my study. on it i note writing, and exercise. i'll have right in my face whether or not i've been responsible. i have to have something that confronting or playing free cell is much too easy. hopefully i won't be so fearful of posting after this.