Post by Steven Barnes on Apr 28, 2005 10:19:40 GMT -5
From Jenni, a student dealing with marital and serious weight challenges --
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I’m not really sure how I am. I’ve been sort of on hold for the last week. I’m running up against my subconscious minds’ ability to sabotage the changes I am making. At least, this time, I am aware of it. Has that awareness helped? Somewhat. I can make course corrections sooner. Now it is days rather than weeks or months. Still scary as all hell when I catch it.
I have been exhausted, right down to the core of my being this week. Not enough rest Sunday, which bled in to Monday and therefore Tuesday. Today is better. I took a small step back and did not go to yoga on Tuesday so that I could get the extra sleep. I cannot wait to get my household moved so that I have more hours in the day. I am excited and can foresee a whole new life! I’ve not had those extra hours for nearly 5 years now. Prior to moving to XX, I was commuting to Thousand Oaks. Same effective situation, with too few hours in the day for the things I should be doing. Using the job and the commute to avoid dealing with issues. Hey, it was a perfectly legitimate ‘excuse’. And, I got to play Saint Jennifer the Martyr too! My favorite role. I would like to audition for a new role. How about Just Jennifer? Or Jazzy Jennifer? Anything but the role I’ve become typecast in.
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Jenni--
It is absolutely inevitable to run up against blocks. Do you think you are a weakling? Do you think you were EASY to hold back the way you've held yourself back? Hell, no! Look at the Hero's Journey again. The process of growth, of change, for all of us is one foot after another, over time, with tons of sweat and blood along the way. THIS is why it is vital to find ways to reward y ourself every day, to find joy and peace every day, to share with a community of allies. POST to the discussion list! Get the conversation going! Share with friends. When was the last time you spoke to Crystal? DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET ISOLATED. This is going to take time. Keep processing the pain and the fear and the anger. And find ways to find joy, darling. Otherwise, some vague future reward isn't worth the discipline.
##
I’m not really sure how I am. I’ve been sort of on hold for the last week. I’m running up against my subconscious minds’ ability to sabotage the changes I am making. At least, this time, I am aware of it. Has that awareness helped? Somewhat. I can make course corrections sooner. Now it is days rather than weeks or months. Still scary as all hell when I catch it.
I have been exhausted, right down to the core of my being this week. Not enough rest Sunday, which bled in to Monday and therefore Tuesday. Today is better. I took a small step back and did not go to yoga on Tuesday so that I could get the extra sleep. I cannot wait to get my household moved so that I have more hours in the day. I am excited and can foresee a whole new life! I’ve not had those extra hours for nearly 5 years now. Prior to moving to XX, I was commuting to Thousand Oaks. Same effective situation, with too few hours in the day for the things I should be doing. Using the job and the commute to avoid dealing with issues. Hey, it was a perfectly legitimate ‘excuse’. And, I got to play Saint Jennifer the Martyr too! My favorite role. I would like to audition for a new role. How about Just Jennifer? Or Jazzy Jennifer? Anything but the role I’ve become typecast in.
############
Jenni--
It is absolutely inevitable to run up against blocks. Do you think you are a weakling? Do you think you were EASY to hold back the way you've held yourself back? Hell, no! Look at the Hero's Journey again. The process of growth, of change, for all of us is one foot after another, over time, with tons of sweat and blood along the way. THIS is why it is vital to find ways to reward y ourself every day, to find joy and peace every day, to share with a community of allies. POST to the discussion list! Get the conversation going! Share with friends. When was the last time you spoke to Crystal? DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET ISOLATED. This is going to take time. Keep processing the pain and the fear and the anger. And find ways to find joy, darling. Otherwise, some vague future reward isn't worth the discipline.